Wallowing in self pity

Some days it really can be difficult to stay positive. The past year has been one of the hardest I can remember in a while.

I always try to be a "glass 1/2 full" person but today I am struggling to find too many positives. Sure it could all be worse, yada, yada,yada, I know that but just not today...........

The person buying my saddle seems to be dragging the process out to ridiculously painful extremes. I just need/want it sorted as that is what I am like.

And the process of getting this new saddle, (and while I am on the subject, what a stupid time of the year for me to decide to have it done) is not going to be a fast one.
There is a saddle in stock that will be a good fit he tells me, but of course it's too big in the seat for me and just not what I want.
I really want to get this right, it's costing a lot of money and Summer's future as a riding horse is at stake more importantly.
But it ain't going to happen overnight!
And the Trek date is looming closer. I should be focusing on fitness work now and she is still unrideable. And by the time I do get a saddle, it's going to be too late.
So a back up to the back up plan is needed. But I am floundering....................

Of course, when this person does pay for the saddle, that leaves me nothing to ride Chief in either. Having sold my other 2 saddles in recent weeks to pay some of the bills we are drowning in presently, leaves me with not much to choose from. I have become used to the security of my saddles and am convinced. that the only reason I don't fall off EVERY day is because of them.

2 friends and I had plans to go away with the horses for a few days after Christmas. It is starting to look as though they will be going without me. Summer is broken, Chief is .........well................and Trapper looks very "American" according to our vet. Even if I did decide to ride him, I don't have a saddle that fits him well enough to do 3 days of hard riding.

Off to drown my sorrow's and make Summer a feed with her new herbal treatments for her coughing allergy. Fingers X'd it works. I need something to.............