The definition of brave?

I am now convinced there is a fine line between braveness and foolishness. It's all very well, getting on and doing it and thinking your being brave, but some times that could be seen as just plain foolishness.

I remember the little inner voice telling me one day as I put my foot in the stirrup to get on (this story is from many years ago) that this was not a good thing. I ignored that inner voice and climbed onto the mare I was to ride and as soon as I touched the saddle, she reared over backwards on me.
Did I cross the line into foolishness that day because I didn't listen?

Today I saddled Chief and as I was attaching the girth to his saddle, he swung his head at me, not once but twice. I let the first one go as I assumed a fly but the second time was meant for me. Not a great way to start.
He was flinching and twitching madly at the flies. Thinking about it now it was somewhat manic.
I lead him off down the paddock, through the gate and went to get on. He moved and that inner voice said this is not a good thing. But I got on anyway and off we went.
He was a lot more spooky than he has been but we were in a paddock he has never been in before. Toughen up I tell myself.

He spooked madly over by the woolshed so I got off and lead him past all the vehicles and scary stuff. Got on up the hill and away we went up the track.
One of the gates we got to was an easy opener, so I flicked the latch and attempted to line him up to open the gate. He was getting a bit worked up so I asked him to halt and went to get off. he took fright while I was half off and I couldn't get my other foot out of the stirrup quick enough. Stupid western saddles.
The tearing pain in my arm was bad, really bad. I cried as I watched Chief galloping off back down the track to the last gate.
I sat for quite some time and wondered WTF was I doing. And why is there never anyone there when you need them. Story of my life.

So eventually I caught the feral beast and guess what, I got back on, very badly I might add and tried not to wince at every stride.

Of course I carried on my ride even though I wanted to go home. Got to the enxt gate and guess what happens then............I can't get the beast to stand so I can get off. He was that spooked, it was getting out of hand. He did stop eventually and I did a very bad dismount. Sure he will be better by the time we get to the top of the hill I tell myself. Toughen up woman and get on. It's a very long walk home.

Well he was no better at the top of the hill. Sweating like he had sprung a leak he was getting worse so once I managed to get off, I stayed off and walked down the hill to home. It is a long walk and he seemed settled so 2 paddocks from home, I got back on. heading to the last gate and I am then fighting to pull him up as he bounds and tries to bolt off. Trying to get him to stand at the gate was becoming dangerous and I am starting to get real scared at this point. I hurt like hell as it is and I want to get off.
Somehow I managed it and walked the last bit home.

So now what to do? I believe I have a horse affected by grass but am I making an excuse? Doing some reading, this warm humid weather is bad for toxins and other nasties. The grass is springing out of the ground here, fresh shoots everywhere.

He has had a dose of Hira Labs Anti Al which has Magnesium in it also. He has been getting Mag though. And he is off the grass to see it it is the problem. And it was too late tonight to go to a doctor and it's not worth the 40 minute drive to the accident and emergency clinic so I will tough it out and got tomorrow. Frozen peas are good but I am not happy.......